100 indecisions - Interesting Blog...

I apologize for not writing earlier today... Today, like the rest of my life right now, has been an complete mess. Although, I must admit, it felt great to get a lot of stuff on E-Bay, go through old pictures from Spain, Ecuador, Austin, Etc. It also hurt.

I am caught in a state of indecision. On one hand, there is travel, the life I life behind the day I graduated from MSU. On the other hand, there is the process of reclaiming the quiet, small-town life I had as a little girl. Both have their advantages, their attractions, both have their drawbacks as well.

After thinking all of this over today, I came to the realization that all of my personal relationships and connections far outwiegh my childlike desire to arbitrarily tramp across the universe. Why do I feel as though I need to travel extensively in order to discover who I am? All that I am going through and will have to go through in order to create a wonderful life with Brian will and has given me a whole new perspective on myself, my life. And I am grateful for that! And there is one other thing. Can't writing fill that deep-seated void I am currently experiencing?

I do believe it can.

I just need to move onward and upward. And hope to God that certain members of my family understand that this is what I have to do right now.

There is plenty of room for all experiences in life; I truly believe that is the case.

By the way, I had an extremely disturbing dream last night. I dreamed that I gave birth to twins in Lansing, Michigan - A boy and a girl. In this dream, Brian named them both without even consulting me; in addition, I was extremely scared as well due to the fact that neither Brian or I had jobs in the dream either.

It was a very disturbing dream. I do certainly want to have children someday - as soon as I am married and our married life is somewhat settled.

I suppose it is natural to truly question your life at a time like this, but all I end up with are more questions than answers. I know I have to follow my heart, I just wish that I could have my cake and eat it too!

More later...

Lindsey

100 indecisions