Where Do I Go From Here?

Long time readers know just how much I love the musical "Evita." For whatever reason, I can't stand the politics of the real Eva Peron, the Peronists, or any of their cronies in Latin America or Europe. Yet, I love the musical based on the story of her life. I have my own ideas as to why I'm drawn to the story of Eva Peron, as well as that of Frida Kahlo, but that is a separate post (hint: it deals with issues discussed in my "Extended Silence" posts). For those who don't know, "You Must Love Me" is a beautiful song in the movie version of "Evita" (I'll include the lyrics at the end of the post). The song asks where do we go from here?

So why even mention the song? Well, the lyrics have a lot of personal meaning for me right now. I'm certainly at a crossroads in my life (and have been the last three years). Yet, I finally feel as though I'm actually moving ahead for the first time since I moved back from Michigan. That said, I have several decisions to make. I just hope that I'm able to get through it and taste success once again. I've been feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the past for far, far too long. I need to put it behind me.

You see, I've always had something else on the horizon my entire life. It just isn't there right this moment, but I'm beginning to realize that I have to make those opportunities for myself. I may not have the formal structure in place (i.e. school), but that doesn't mean that there aren't opportunities here (yes, even in mid-Michigan). There is so much negativity in this area right now, I have to move beyond it. Brian did long ago, and he's fine.

I apologize for all of the silence lately, but I'm trying to resolve these huge issues in my life once and for all. It is time to truly grow up. In many instances, I did long ago. I now can't hide myself away from the world as I have the last three years. The songs accurately reflect how I feel about my relationship with Brian right now.

You Must Love Me

lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
vocals by Madonna
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Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

You must love me
You must love me

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed

You must love me