The Sensitive In-Law Post - Religion

I just want to reiterate what I stated in my previous post on In-Laws and Politics:

Before I go any further, I just want to say that this is written in good humor. If anyone mentioned here happens to come across this post, I mean no harm. I simply want to share some very personal experiences of mine.

Now that that is out of the way, I can give a little background. As I stated many times here, my little sister is getting married this fall to a wonderful young man named Justin who is a cop with Kalamazoo Public Safety. I was there when they started dating (prior to that, they had been friends for a couple of years), and I couldn't ask for a better future brother-in-law. That alone speaks volumes for his parents.

Last fall, Erica and Justin purchased a home. As my Grandma was no longer interested in having Thanksgiving, my Mom entertains for Christmas, and Brian and I don't own a home yet, Erica and Justin had Thanksgiving at their new home. It was then that I met his parents.

While Justin grew up in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, he isn't a typical Yooper. For those who don't know, Yooper is a Michigan term for those residing in Michigan's Upper Peninsula who exhibit certain characteristics. Yoopers tend to be of Scandinavian ancestry (especially Finnish), easily identify with Canadians, etc. Essentially, to be a Yooper is to be a caricature of residents of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan with Finnish ancestry. It just doesn't apply to Justin.

Justin grew up near the Michigan and Wisconsin border. Northern Wisconsin tends to be very different from extreme Northern Michigan. In fact, Justin's Mom makes a point of mentioning that she teaches school in Wisconsin, not Michigan. Justin's Dad is an easy-going retired cop. Justin's Mom is Jewish, and Justin's Dad is Christian. That is where the real debate comes in.

While I would describe Justin's Mom as Jewish, I wouldn't describe Justin as Jewish (even though my sister does, but that is another story). His Mom, even though she tried to introduce him to aspects of her Jewish faith as a child, never really made it a point for Justin to be raised Jewish per se. However, that is changing as he and my sister are getting married, setting up a home, etc. It appears as though she's trying to put up a good front for her family as the wedding approaches.

For example, she has tried to give certain Jewish gifts to Justin and my sister. My sister is handling it with good grace; it is Justin and his Dad that get upset. As Justin said, "she hasn't pulled this on me since I was seven years old." Again, realize that I'm getting this information from my sister and Justin. According to Justin and his Dad, her desire for Justin and Erica to appear Jewish doesn't come from any particular religious belief, it comes from wanting to look good in front of her family (the wedding will be held near Erica and Justin's home). Erica and Justin both stated that they would be more open if it came from true religious or spiritual belief.

One of the biggest points of contention is the actual wedding ceremony. Erica and Justin will be married by one of Justin's cousins, who is a Methodist minister. Justin's Mom reportedly asked that no mention of Jesus be made in the ceremony. Justin and Erica are both in agreement that they want Jesus to be mentioned in the ceremony. In fact, from the conversations I had with Erica and Justin, they now want to ensure that Jesus is mentioned prominently in the ceremony. In fact, it was this debate that gave me the idea to write this series of posts. A post on Michelle Malkin's blog brought the debate to mind. You can read it here. While you'd have to know Justin's Mom to fully understand the situation, Erica and Justin's reasoning goes something like this:

If you have such issues with the mention of Christianity, why did you marry a Christian in the first place? They are our wedding vows; why do you feel that you should have this say? If you were so eager to pass along your Jewish faith to Justin, why didn't you insist when he was a child? If these requests are coming from a place of true religious and spiritual conviction, why does it appear as though you are simply trying to appease your family?

In my opinion, they have some very valid questions. I can also see why Justin's Mom would want her heritage acknowledged too though. Quite frankly, it appears as though it certainly would have been if it didn't seem so insincere. Justin's parents are wonderful people, but I can see where this issue would get tiresome for Erica and Justin.

As an outsider to the situation, the whole thing makes me want to elope. Brian is Catholic and I'm Protestant. We plan on getting married in the Catholic Church, even though my Grandma insists that it wouldn't be possible. I have a feeling that my Grandma is mistaken, but I have no plans to convert to Catholicism. I don't expect Brian to "convert" either. In fact, we have incredibly similar religious beliefs (Erica, Justin, Brian, and I all do, despite the varied religious backgrounds, so it would appear). Neither of us have much faith in organized religion. The story above is the exact reason why! Then again, St. Stans Church is beautiful. Brian's family helped found the church when they immigrated from Poland. The family history, on Brian's part, associated with St. Stans is a main reason why I'd like to get married there. We'll see what happens.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus indeed.

Lindsey

PS - I was pleasantly surprised to see that many people believe, as Brian and I do, that having faith and going to Church or Mass every Sunday are two very different things. You can read more about it here.

The Sensitive In-Law Post - Politics

Most readers know that my little sister is getting married this fall. In addition, Brian and I have been in a serious relationship for over four years now (yes, we eventually do plan to get married). Of course, this all means that my sister and I have had to deal with the inevitable prospective in-law issues. Some of the issues are quite funny while others hint at larger issues in society. It has never been easy to combine families and adjust to the family dynamics of a significant other. In some instances, my sister and I are finding out that we come from quite an extraordinary family in the sense that our parents allowed us much more freedom than many of the parents of our peers. We certainly do not have helicopter parents.

Before I go any further, I just want to say that this is written in good humor. If anyone mentioned here happens to come across this post, I mean no harm. I simply want to share some very personal experiences of mine.

Where do I start? Well, Brian's parents are great. I truly enjoy their company. As Brian and I live approximately a mile from their house, we have dinner at their house a few times a week, every week. For the most part, this allows us to catch up with Brian's brother Todd and Todd's girlfriend Rachel (Todd is a commuting college student living at home). While we don't discuss politics much with Rachel (she's not that interested and only 16), the rest of us get into the middle of it. Here is where the confusion comes in.

In Michigan, as in many union states, there is a general bias towards Democrats that truly is out of touch with the reality of today's Democratic Party. For the sake of argument, I will call this group Blue Collar Democrats. The average Blue Collar Democrat owns his or her own home, has two or three children, works a union job, tends to be Catholic (and is still married, or annulled the first marriage and remarried), and is more or less socially conservative. They tend to support the Democratic Party not out of a blind loyalty to unions, but due to a deep sense of tradition. From my perspective, some Blue Collar Democrats appear to believe that it is almost un-American not to support the Democratic Party (again, this certainly doesn't reflect the current Democratic Party which is turning anti-American).

I grew up in a small town that was predominantly populated by Blue Collar Democrats. The irony here is that for all intents and purposes, Brian's family (especially his Dad) fits the profile of Blue Collar Democrats perfectly. In fact, my parents pretty much assumed that his parents were Democrats, despite the fact that Brian and his brother are very conservative. Well, when you actually talk politics with Brian and Todd's parents, you find a general disdain for politicians in general (which is certainly to be expected). In addition, they tend to be conservative on most issues, and while they might occasionally support a Democrat, it is the exception, not the norm.

As a result of Brian's parents not following the Blue Collar Democrat script, I've found myself having some very interesting political conversations with my own family. No matter how you look at it, after getting past the stereotypes, it is easy to see how Brian and Todd formed their political views. I don't always agree, but I find myself agreeing more often than not.

This entire experience helps illustrate something I had a hard time understanding as a child. Growing up, I often heard my Mom lament that many Blue Collar Democrats didn't fully understand just how much they think like conservatives. I now understand. Why should Blue Collar Democrats vote for a party that is working against families, against religion, and against just about everything most Blue Collar Democrats hold dear? I didn't even mention the growing anti-Americanism and self-loathing taking over the Democratic Party (case in point, Obama, who last week alienated the very people he needs to win the nomination and election with elitist comments). I'm just glad that Brian's parents get it. My Grandma doesn't, but then again, she doesn't vote.

I'll cover religion in the next post.

Lindsey