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Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

A fun, relaxing place to rant, rave, highlight interesting finds on the web, and initiate discussion on topics large and small. You may not agree, but you won't be bored! Take a look, feel free to comment, and enjoy your stay. You will also find several resources for creating your own website, blog, and web identity.

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Saturday, May 31, 2008

If You Care About America and Its Freedoms at All...

This is one of the most poignant messages I've ever read. I agree with it wholeheartedly and couldn't have said it better myself. It is nothing less than statement of all I believe in. I urge you to take a minute to read it. At this late stage in the game, I can't understand how anyone can deny the threat.

RADARSITE: A Message to my Readers


Friday, May 30, 2008

I'm Back

I really missed blogging. Over the last month or so, I've resolved some long-standing issues in my life, and hopefully addressing those issues head on will ultimately lead me to a career (and eventually career success). It is a long, complicated story, but unfortunately, not an uncommon one in Michigan right now.

Cleaning out the office I share with Brian, I came across many of my files from college. There were a couple of projects of which I am proud. I also spent a lot of time going through all of my paperwork - bills, insurance papers, letters, cards, note-worthy newspaper clippings. It feels great to actually have a nice working space once again.

A couple of things happened through this entire process (there are still a few things I need to do) of organizing things in my life, including relationships (long story), that made me realize that I'm really not that far from achieving my goals. It is good to know and motivates me to finally find a permanent solution to that overriding question that has plagued me for three years and caused so much destruction in my life - the question of a career and a job.

As I said earlier, I'm far from the only well-educated young professional in this situation in Michigan. I'm tired of everyone focusing on everything but bringing new jobs to this state. We are instead focusing on educating the workforce of Texas, California, Arizona, and pretty much the rest of the country. I really wish I knew how to get involved in helping to turn this sorry state around. Any ideas? I'm tired of just talking about it and feeling powerless.


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Saturday, May 24, 2008

Prolonged Absence

I've decided to take a couple of weeks off from blogging. There are several issues that I need to address here when I come back. In fact, there is so much that I need to do and say that I want to plan it out well. The latest I'll be back will be June 1st. Thanks for all of your patience and support. I hope that everyone is having a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend.


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Thursday, May 15, 2008

Actual News from the Middle East

If you are looking for some perspective on what is going on in the Middle East currently, look no further than the link below. It includes a lot of great resources. I will be writing much more on the subject very soon.



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Where Do I Go From Here?

Long time readers know just how much I love the musical "Evita." For whatever reason, I can't stand the politics of the real Eva Peron, the Peronists, or any of their cronies in Latin America or Europe. Yet, I love the musical based on the story of her life. I have my own ideas as to why I'm drawn to the story of Eva Peron, as well as that of Frida Kahlo, but that is a separate post (hint: it deals with issues discussed in my "Extended Silence" posts). For those who don't know, "You Must Love Me" is a beautiful song in the movie version of "Evita" (I'll include the lyrics at the end of the post). The song asks where do we go from here?

So why even mention the song? Well, the lyrics have a lot of personal meaning for me right now. I'm certainly at a crossroads in my life (and have been the last three years). Yet, I finally feel as though I'm actually moving ahead for the first time since I moved back from Michigan. That said, I have several decisions to make. I just hope that I'm able to get through it and taste success once again. I've been feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on the past for far, far too long. I need to put it behind me.

You see, I've always had something else on the horizon my entire life. It just isn't there right this moment, but I'm beginning to realize that I have to make those opportunities for myself. I may not have the formal structure in place (i.e. school), but that doesn't mean that there aren't opportunities here (yes, even in mid-Michigan). There is so much negativity in this area right now, I have to move beyond it. Brian did long ago, and he's fine.

I apologize for all of the silence lately, but I'm trying to resolve these huge issues in my life once and for all. It is time to truly grow up. In many instances, I did long ago. I now can't hide myself away from the world as I have the last three years. The songs accurately reflect how I feel about my relationship with Brian right now.

You Must Love Me

lyrics by Tim Rice, music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
vocals by Madonna

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

You must love me
You must love me

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed

You must love me

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Tuesday, May 13, 2008

More Extended Silence

I apologize for getting on such a tangent the other day. Sometimes you need to just get things out in the open, and that is what happened the other day. I can't thank those who commented on the entry enough.

One male commentator asked whether or not I've considered adoption. Quite frankly, I've spent the last 18 years weighing the pros and cons of in vitro fertilization and adoption. I've known about my infertility since I was nine years old (my parents were pretty much backed into a situation where they had to tell me what was going on). Even though I'm a proud supporter of adoption, it doesn't really change the situation.

There are a couple of things that need to get out in the open. First and foremost, my Mom spent years telling me that I really shouldn't worry about it much. By the time I was ready to have kids, the technology would catch up. In a sense, she was right. Physically, there is nothing preventing me from going through in vitro fertilization. That said, the more I learned about it, the more I thought about the implications, the more I researched it, the less appealing it became. I've read personal accounts of women who have successfully and unsuccessfully gone through the process.

There is no guarantee that it will work on the first try or even the hundredth. In addition, I'm in a position where I would need a donor egg (I do not have ovaries due to Turners Syndrome, hence the issue of infertility). I've thought about it long and hard. At one time, I considered asking my sister to be the egg donor, but how do you ask someone something like that? Then, I truly sat down and thought about what that meant. I would have a child that was genetically my sister's and my husband's (Brian's). It would be way too weird. That said, I've learned that some Moms of girls with Turners Syndrome are seeking to gain permission to freeze their eggs for eventual use by their daughters. I see nothing wrong with it. It is a loving gesture from a Mother to a daughter, although it would be way too creepy for me to consider if it was an option. Even with an unrelated egg donor, it would be strange to think of the child as genetically the product of my husband and some random woman.

As many issues as there are with in vitro fertilization, it was the emotional roller coaster described by women who have had the procedure, successful or unsuccessful, that really did me in. I'm the first to admit that I don't think that I could handle it. I don't know how I could get through the devastation of having to go through the procedure two or three times and still face the probability that I may never get pregnant. I don't want to put myself or my family through that.

You may be asking yourself why I'm concerned at all as it seems clear that adoption in the obvious choice for me. In a sense, adoption is the obvious choice, and I have no real qualms about it. I grew up around adoption, and I don't believe that there is less of a bond there. That said, as selfish as this sounds, I want to experience being pregnant. I really do, as stupid as that sounds. I mean, who wants to willingly go through the process of gaining lots of weight, having mood swings and cravings, only to later experience lots of intense pain? Well, millions of women do it every year. Life is precious (although we are rapidly losing sight of that in the current word), and what could be greater than creating new life? That's what bothers me. I want to experience a new life growing inside of me. It really is as simple and as complicated as that.

There is an old episode of "Roseanne" where the men pretend that they are upset that they can't have babies. It was funny, but far from the truth. The way I look at it, men get to be a part of the process once they become fathers. No matter how far the Far Left goes in trying to make men obsolete, they are still very much needed as part of the process. This may be politically incorrect now, but they are needed in the entire process of raising children.

So where does that leave people like me? From time to time, I do feel left out. One day, I imagine that Brian and I will adopt. It will probably help me deal with all of these issues. That said, I'll always wonder what it is like to be pregnant.


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Monday, May 12, 2008

Extended Silence

Things have been rough lately, but I have resolved quite a few issues in my life. Sometimes I wonder how things could have ever gotten so screwed up in the first place. Once it is all over, I plan to write several blog posts regarding what I've been through the last few years.

Most people don't realize it, but Mother's Day is extremely difficult for me. Sometimes I don't know how I'll ever "get over" my infertility. It hurts. Over all, I am fortunate to have such a wonderful Mother and a two loving Grandmothers still in my life. I don't know what I'll do when they're gone. That said, having those strong women in my life almost makes things worse. I want to one day be a role model like them, but how will I ever get a chance? My Grandma recently tried to explain to me how wonderful it is to have grandchildren. It just made me want to cry to realize that I'll never have that experience. I've always been told "just wait until you have children someday." Why didn't anyone stop and think that that is probably out of the picture for me?

For whatever reason, I've been thinking a lot about two particular TV series finales lately. Both the series finales of "Roseanne" and "Six Feet Under" left viewers with much to think about. Both dealt with issues of life and death, purpose, and family relationships. I just finished watching the "Six Feet Under" finally again. It drives right to the heart of what has been bothering me, plaguing me even, over the last three or four years. What is my purpose here?

Seriously. Why was I put here on this Earth if I am unable to have children? That simple question has haunted me ever since I found out I have Turner Syndrome. I'm now watching the people I grew up with start careers, get married, and have babies. I have none of that yet at 27. It hurts deeply, much more that I would ever care to admit. My little sister is getting married this fall, and how long will it be before she is pregnant? I'll be ecstatic for her, of course. However, I'll also be a little sad. She and her family will live on the other side of the state. I won't be able to dote on my nieces and nephews.

Believe it or not, I am convinced that my career difficulties (to say the least) are tied to the fact that I will never have children. When you are trying to substitute a career for having children, you are bound to be bitterly disappointed. Nothing has enough meaning. As a result, you quickly begin to be apathetic. I long for something meaningful in my life (in addition to my family relationships and my relationship with Brian), but I've been unsuccessful. I'm severely disillusioned.

Thank you for putting up with my little rant. I deal with these issues every single day, and it is hard for me to articulate just how deeply they hurt. I hope to resume normal blogging soon.


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Thursday, May 01, 2008

Interesting Observations on the Economy

I'm incredibly happy that I'm too young to have lived through the 1970s (I was born in 1980), but it was interesting reading this observation comparing what we are going through today to 1973.

This economy feels like Easy Street, compared to 1973 - Columns & Opinion - The Bay City Times - MLive.com


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Third Year Anniversary of Ramblings of a Misguided Blonde

I still can't believe that I've been blogging for three years now. So much has happened in my life in those three years, it is unbelievable. There have been many struggles, but I'm beginning to think that life is finally going to be getting better soon. It is hard to believe that I didn't know much about blogs at all before I started writing. I've come across some great blogs in the last three years, and I'm amazed at what insightful dialog can develop on a blog. There is so much more I need to do with this particular blog, blogging in general, and Internet writing that I'll be here for years and years to come.


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