I apologize for getting on such a tangent the other day. Sometimes you need to just get things out in the open, and that is what happened the other day. I can't thank those who commented on the entry enough.
One male commentator asked whether or not I've considered adoption. Quite frankly, I've spent the last 18 years weighing the pros and cons of in vitro fertilization and adoption. I've known about my infertility since I was nine years old (my parents were pretty much backed into a situation where they had to tell me what was going on). Even though I'm a proud supporter of adoption, it doesn't really change the situation.
There are a couple of things that need to get out in the open. First and foremost, my Mom spent years telling me that I really shouldn't worry about it much. By the time I was ready to have kids, the technology would catch up. In a sense, she was right. Physically, there is nothing preventing me from going through in vitro fertilization. That said, the more I learned about it, the more I thought about the implications, the more I researched it, the less appealing it became. I've read personal accounts of women who have successfully and unsuccessfully gone through the process.
There is no guarantee that it will work on the first try or even the hundredth. In addition, I'm in a position where I would need a donor egg (I do not have ovaries due to Turners Syndrome, hence the issue of infertility). I've thought about it long and hard. At one time, I considered asking my sister to be the egg donor, but how do you ask someone something like that? Then, I truly sat down and thought about what that meant. I would have a child that was genetically my sister's and my husband's (Brian's). It would be way too weird. That said, I've learned that some Moms of girls with Turners Syndrome are seeking to gain permission to freeze their eggs for eventual use by their daughters. I see nothing wrong with it. It is a loving gesture from a Mother to a daughter, although it would be way too creepy for me to consider if it was an option. Even with an unrelated egg donor, it would be strange to think of the child as genetically the product of my husband and some random woman.
As many issues as there are with in vitro fertilization, it was the emotional roller coaster described by women who have had the procedure, successful or unsuccessful, that really did me in. I'm the first to admit that I don't think that I could handle it. I don't know how I could get through the devastation of having to go through the procedure two or three times and still face the probability that I may never get pregnant. I don't want to put myself or my family through that.
You may be asking yourself why I'm concerned at all as it seems clear that adoption in the obvious choice for me. In a sense, adoption is the obvious choice, and I have no real qualms about it. I grew up around adoption, and I don't believe that there is less of a bond there. That said, as selfish as this sounds, I want to experience being pregnant. I really do, as stupid as that sounds. I mean, who wants to willingly go through the process of gaining lots of weight, having mood swings and cravings, only to later experience lots of intense pain? Well, millions of women do it every year. Life is precious (although we are rapidly losing sight of that in the current word), and what could be greater than creating new life? That's what bothers me. I want to experience a new life growing inside of me. It really is as simple and as complicated as that.
There is an old episode of "Roseanne" where the men pretend that they are upset that they can't have babies. It was funny, but far from the truth. The way I look at it, men get to be a part of the process once they become fathers. No matter how far the Far Left goes in trying to make men obsolete, they are still very much needed as part of the process. This may be politically incorrect now, but they are needed in the entire process of raising children.
So where does that leave people like me? From time to time, I do feel left out. One day, I imagine that Brian and I will adopt. It will probably help me deal with all of these issues. That said, I'll always wonder what it is like to be pregnant.
Lindsey
Labels: adoption, infertility, pregnancy, rants, Turner Syndrome
